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BooM

A Flith of Octupuses

Picking up the Pieces

This is the common story. Everyone has one. It’s the story of a broken heart.  This one isn’t the worst of them all. It’s just the beginning.  It’s the start of it. When you can start to feel the pieces crack. And if your not careful now the crack will keep going. And soon you will be picking up the pieces.

This is the worst time. Because half of you knows that it’s not ok. That it’s not ok to keep engaging.  The times you can feel your heart breaking. And it hurts in a way you can’t explain.  Everyone is telling you stop.  To protect your heart and yourself.

But you can’t. Every time you give in. You keep going and trying. Because all you want is to feel wanted and desired by the one person you want.

And in the end, you just continue to let the cracks build in your heart. Until eventually all the pieces fall.

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Tape over my Mouth

The best Mondays are the ones where you get to walk into a meeting first time. You know those meetings that are a time to sit down and say the things that need to be said. The meeting where you get to stand up for the things that are right. Where you can lay it all out on the table. Like how could you not want to start your week like that?  

It’s a chance for change. A new turning point. A place of growth. A beginning for saying what’s right.  It’s a great way to start on a Monday.   But why don’t I feel like that?

Because this is going to be the hardest meeting ever.  It’s going to be the first of many to initiate the change. The first of the process to start the change. And the road to change, well it’s going to be a long, slow and bumpy ride. I can feel my stomach already moving all over.

And why will it be so difficult?  Well it will be the first time ever that I won’t have to stomach what I have to say.  This will be the beginning of being honest and telling it how it is.  And with that. I have to hope for the best and that this change will be positive. 

Tomorrow is the day to rip off the tape.

Competing within a Team

Teams are the best was to work, in every way and at everything.  Being able to build each other up and support and lean on each other is the greatest feeling ever.

When it’s not good, is when people on the team don’t communicate and they start to compete with you. Competing on a team doesn’t help anyone. It results in everyone losing.    

Teams do not always start together, sometimes we have to join later on. And maybe that is the downfall, is that some people have a difficult time adjusting to the new skills that have been added to the team. Or maybe it’s that they don’t understand.  It’s truly a grey area, that makes it difficult for all.

The most frustrating part is trying to figure out how to fix the completion. Because in the end, we all have the same goal and we need to move towards that.

But how?  Because competing to prove skill is not going to help.   But going above can be demeaning.  And nobody wants to show they are above someone else or has more power.  We truly want to come together. But how?

Tick Tock

Every day is made up of 24 hours and we as humans divide this time up to complete tasks.  Sometimes we manage to get our basic needs like sleep, eat, etc.  And then with the rest we work or play.  It’s a whole lot of time we get in one day, so we shouldn’t struggle with taking care of ourselves. But the funny part is, we do.

Some days I feels like time drags on and we have forever to eat or lots of time to sleep.  And these days we usually do complete everything and take care of ourselves in the best ways possible. These days we feel amazing and like we could take on the world.

The crazy days though are when we are taking on the world.  Those are the days when time flies and we dont make time to take care of ourselves.  We just push through and try to do all we can to pick up the pieces others dropped and help put them back together. Yet we let ourselves fall apart.

Can’t we find a balance? Can’t we take care of ourselves as we work to build up the ones who have been torn down?  Does this mean we need more time?

When You are No Longer Alone 

I’ve been pretty lucky with life.  I was always good with people and I found it easy. And those times I didn’t, I just moved forward or fixed the problem.  I never had to have others involved to fix the problem.  I just received advice and moved forward and grew.  And if it didn’t work, moving forward was what I did.
But being in the adult world makes things different.  There is really sides to everything.  And it is important to remember this. You are not alone. People care about you and are willing to stand up with you for what is right.  That’s a truly beautiful thing about it all.
That is what I need to remember.  Because when you have to figure out where you are on the social ladder, you have to face your fears. Confronting those who have affected you and your life in such a negative way is a huge fear of mine.  And now it’s something I have to do.
But at least with this fear, I have time to prepare myself and I know that people have my back.  I need to remember that I’m supported and that I’m not facing this fear alone. 

Throw your Hands Up

They say life is like a roller coaster, up, down, corner here and corner there, so on and so forth.  And the best, yet worst part of it all, is how some people become a part of the ride.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love when people become a part of it.  It allows me to open up and show who I am. Be true to who I am with someone. Let my guard down for once and show what I hide for most my days from society. Then when I feel the acceptance and become excited with how things feel, I start to take down my wall.  And that, that’s a great feeling.

The bad feeling, the worst part. Is when that person leaves and isn’t a part of the ride anymore.  They move onto their own. And me. I have to stay neutral, and try to be excited for this person whose about to go on a wild adventure, without me.  But I stand by and support.  I  encourage this person to be excited. But sadly. They leave. And then your back on your ride, alone.

Stuck in a Cage

Well it’s been a while.  I have struggled with where to start. Or maybe it’s because I had so many emotions that I couldn’t pin down a starting place.  My thoughts started becoming my own worst nightmare and the tornado started to take over. 

I learned that one small change had a huge ripple effect.  And that when the rock is dropped, the power is shifted.  And not always for the better.  For me, I watched my safety and support disappear and a huge range of access of power open up.

During this week, I learned another part about life.   That having power doesn’t always make you good. Like one of “my kids” would say: “there is always a good guy and a bad guy, and the one with the most power wins”. And let me tell you.  He’s right.

So I’m sure by now most of you have put 1 and 1 together and realized that the person who got power is not using it for the good of all that is right.  Instead, its more like being a part of the Mean Girls movie and learning to fly in a small enclosed area.  This shift in power has made it clear who is in control, and they show it to everyone possible.

I knew before that there were restorations due to how power is distributed, but now there is even more. I went from being a bird in a big cage to being a bird in an extremely small cage.  I now have many limitations and barriers to be able to do the things I am there to do.  Things have shifted so that when I go to take off and fly, the end goal is taken away.  It’s been restricted and no longer acceptable. And it is shown to all those around the cage, watching.

It’s now ashaming.  The struggle is all to real.  Now I’m just a bird. In a tiny cage. Being watched to ensure I don’t fall, or fly in any direction.   The light of hope has dimmed and motivation to keep flying is almost gone. But Hopefully, one day I will be able to get out and stretch my wings. Before it’s too late and I forget how to fly.

The Push

The real world is extremely different then what you ever thought it would be.

Everyone is suppose to be an equal, or so your taught. But that’s a lie. 
Everyone is suppose to treat others as they would want to be treats. But that’s a lie. 

Everyone is suppose to work to help each other and create a free world for all. But that’s a lie.

Every day I work to help those who are less fortunate and treated unfairly. I’m so fortunate to work with an amazing team however there is still questions for it all. Such as how come we can’t work more collaboratively to make the change we want?  Or how can we not treat each other with more respect? Aren’t we all here for the same reason? Why can’t we all work together?  It truly isn’t fair. How we all can’t come together to make the change that we all want to make. The change that we want to do together for those we are her to help.

It frustrates me to the max about how we can’t come together and be more united. With such a huge and important common goal that we are working on.

Hoping that one day we will be able to move forward with this front and become one. Creating a world were people are equal and treated as others would like to be treated.  Creating a free world where help is available. 

Hush Hush

It’s funny how family works.  They are suppose to be the ones who love you for who you are. The ones who support you in what you do. The ones who help you follow your dreams. The ones who help you stand up for the things that are right.  But it doesn’t always work that way.

I finally stood up for what was right and they instead stood up for the one who was wrong.  The one who cross the line. And then to top it off. They made sure that everyone knew it.  That instead of being a family who supports each other in making a positive change we are now a family that will hide the dirty laundry and ensure that we just pick up the ones who fall.  Over and over again. We’ll pick them up and still pretend that nothing is wrong. But I couldn’t do it anymore.

I finally stood up for what was right, but I didn’t get the support from my family to prove it.

And now. The best part is the stories that come after it.  The way they are twisted and pointed at me doing the wrong. And for them. They are picking up the one who continues to fall.  So now, the choices are to ignore it and pretend I was wrong. Or. Continue to stand up for what’s right.  And possibly lose my family.  The decision now is much more then it ever was before.

I finally stood up for what was right and now I might lose my family because of it. 

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